Thursday, February 12, 2009

A Memo for Eliza Dushku

Dear Ms. Dushku:

Please stop trying to be the sexiest woman on Earth. It's just not working. I'm not saying you're not attractive, I'm just saying you're not that "let the camera pan across your half-naked body on high-definition televisions all over the world while making a seductive face" type of attractive. You are what we call a "girl next door." Which is different. Please do not get plastic surgery in an attempt to correct this, as it is not tackling the root of the problem. Clearly some publicist has put you up to this -- that's the root of the problem. It's not you.

This is the most useless blog post ever and I apologize. Especially if she were to actually read this by some chance. Oh man that would be awkward.

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